


soft pink

by tenxfruit



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Not Beta Read, Overuse of pet names, little!Renjun, littlespace, renjun is trying but failing to surpress his regression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22235179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenxfruit/pseuds/tenxfruit
Summary: Huang Renjun's story of exam season, accidental regression, and a found family.Or: Renjun has been fighting the urge to regress in hopes of keeping his friends unaware of his little secret. It does not go well.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 303





	soft pink

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so this is a story ive been working on for a while and i am glad to finally post it! i really like the idea of expanding on this universe so i plan on making it into a series in the future.
> 
> the relationship in this can be viewed as platonic, but i will probably explore the romantic aspects of it in future fics!
> 
> NOTE: trigger warning for referenced child abuse. please stay safe <3

Have you ever found yourself reading and rereading a page over and over again but never able to take in the words?

That was Renjun right now. He was sitting at a little wooden desk in the corner of his room, hunched over the same stupid page about nucleic bases in his Chemistry textbook. Lately, he had been spending most of his time with his nose buried in a book, because it was exam week, and he could not afford to fail any of his classes. 

Studying for the French and History exams was easy, and the Math exam was apparently going to be relatively simple this year, so that left him to focus on the bane of his existence, Chemistry. 

It’s not that Renjun did not like Chemistry in itself, in fact, he loved it. The thing that brought him to despise the class happened to be the teacher.

He was a middle aged man, with a shiny bald head and piercing eyes. He always seemed ready to throw shady comments at the class about their intelligence, and only answered questions condescendingly, as if he had never heard a more stupid inquiry. 

His personality was not the only problem though, Renjun probably would have been able to handle the class if he was a good teacher. But no, he was also mind-blowingly horrible at his job. Renjun had never had a harder time in any class, which left him feeling stressed and anxious constantly. New projects, quizzes, unit tests, and labs, he was basically always on the verge of tears. 

That brings us once again back to Renjun’s small room, where a single lamp was alight on his desk, and he seemed to have lost any of his remaining concentration. 

His eyes darted to his closet, which held a small shoebox in the back corner. Renjun longed to pull out the contents, and let himself be little just this once. He shook his head, frustrated. He didn’t need that. He had to get over it, because if his best friends found out, they would surely leave him and his childish tendencies behind. 

He looked back down at the worn textbook and sighed.

—

Renjun walked in a zombie-like state to his typical seat, at the back of the Chemistry classroom. The desks had been arranged apart from each other for the test so that it was harder for students to cheat. He walked down an isle and passed Jeno on the way, receiving a small smile and a short whisper of ‘good luck’. It was a nice gesture, but did not ease his nervous mind enough to stop his hands from shaking. No matter how much he studied for a test, he still always experienced unbearable test anxiety that made him feel the dangerous urge to curl up into a ball with his favourite stuffy. And adding Lee Jeno smiling sweetly and wishing him good luck was not a safe situation for his big headspace or his heart. 

The test booklet was finally passed around the room and students waited anxiously for their teacher to announce the start of the test. Renjun forced himself to slow his heartbeat and forget about the unneeded thoughts. Failing this test was not an option. 

The Antichrist (also known as Mr. Yoo, his Chem teacher) finally declared that the students could commence writing their tests and Renjun promptly flipped open the small novel with a quick internal curse to the Universe, “You have two hours, and remember, NO cheating will be tolerated. Good luck.”

The first questions were not too difficult, although Renjun knew not to get his hopes up because it always got harder. Seriously, someone must have hurt his teacher as a child for him to be this horrible now. 

Pushing aside the mental essay he was writing about the worst qualities of the older man, he got working on the test. When Renjun actually concentrated on solving the problems, he didn’t even notice that 45 minutes had passed. 

Admittedly, Renjun probably should not have broken his concentration to glance at the clock, but he did. Looking down from the clock to start his attempt to solve an Empirical formula question, his eyes unwillingly caught on an object sitting on the neighboring desk. It was a baby pink eraser with little cats on it, and looking further, he saw a matching pencil held in his desk neighbor’s hand. 

It was adorable, and it happened to be the exact set Renjun had contemplated buying for weeks before deciding that it would be too suspicious. With the past months of stress and holding back from regressing, Renjun was exhausted. Seeing that damned eraser and pencil brought unwanted tears to the boy’s eyes, and before he could shake himself out of it, his heart sank, “Huang Renjun, I already said that cheating will not be tolerated. Grab your test and come with me,” Antichrist spat. 

The tears in the chinese boy’s eyes welled once again and he silently got out of his seat and followed the teacher into the hallway, feeling the stares of everyone in the class burning into his back. 

Shutting the door behind himself (but still able to see the students taking the test inside through the window in the door), Renjun raised his gaze to see his teacher’s angered face before choosing to instead glare at the very interesting yellowed floor. He fiddled with the paper in his hands. 

“Renjun, you’re a pretty good student, so please explain to me why you were looking at someone else’s test?” His teacher said. 

“No sir, I wasn’t looking at her tes-” Renjun tried, but was cut off, “Do not lie to me, young man. I’ve been a teacher for a very long time and I always know when my students are cheating. I told the class that cheating was unacceptable, and look what you did? You really expect me to be stupid enough to not notice? Huh? And stop crying, you’re too old to act like a kid right now, Renjun,” the older snapped. 

If the previous yelling was not enough, that last statement got to Renjun. Tears continued to stream down his face, though he cried silently. With no more energy to fight, Renjun whimpered, “I-I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again. Can I please finish my test?”

The other scoffed and took the test from Renjun’s hands, “No. Since you chose to cheat, you will receive a zero unless you chose to retake this test on another day, alone,” and with that, the Devil himself tore the boy’s test in half, then returned to his classroom in silence. A look through the window told him that the whole class had watched the interaction. In particular, Jeno and Hyuck (his second and only other friend in Chemistry) looked at him with utter concern and Renjun had to turn around and rush to the bathroom to avoid completely breaking in the middle of the hallway. 

At the end of the hall, Renjun entered the washroom. He walked quietly towards the stalls and checked each one to be sure no one was inside before shutting and locking the door. He finally slumped against it and slid to the floor. He could not believe himself. ‘Why did I have to go and stare at that poor girl’s stuff like a total psycho? I definitely just wrecked my chance at a good grade in that stupid class’

Renjun sniffled and stood up before walking to the sinks. His reflection in the dirty mirror shocked him, because not only were his eyes red, but the bags under them were so much worse than he previously thought. He was exhausted, and you could see it clear as a summer day on his face. 

He had tried everything: jogging, soothing baths, journaling, reading, face masks, visiting friends, even meditation. Nothing was working to ease his stress and it was starting to pile up. Exam season was hard, and even harder for Renjun who had to study at the same time as he battled with himself to stop regressing. 

He had started being little two years ago when the fighting and fear in his house had finally culminated in a nasty divorce, which drove his stress to unmanageable levels. He came across age regression, and was very curious and admittedly interested. One day when no one was home, Renjun tried it for the first time. He spent hours playing around and watching cartoons, and when he finally came out of it, the boy felt incredibly relaxed and safe. It was a comforting feeling that he continued to find regularly afterwards on days that no one was around. 

It was when Renjun became a part of his current friend group that he started to regress less and less until it because a one-in-a-blue-moon experience. The other six boys had come unexpectedly into his life and now, he could not imagine it without them. Sure, going into little space helped him, but he knew that most people wouldn’t understand that.

A rational part of him, deep inside Renjun’s mind, told him that his friends would never leave him, no matter who he was. But the fear was still there, fear of getting discovered, of the people he trusted most being disgusted by him-- he could never handle that humiliation. 

And well, Renjun had to admit that he was avoiding his friends, big time. It was not that he didn’t want to see them, it was that the amount of time flowing by without regressing was getting dangerous. His headspace was very gentle in recent days. Have you any idea how difficult it is to stay sane with Na Jaemin softly holding your hand whenever possible- Lee Jeno smiling so sweetly with his crescent moon eyes as if he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing- and Lee Donghyuck praising you with soft words each time you take a bite of your lunch? 

Maybe it was Renjun’s fault for even letting it get so bad. He was determined, though, to prove to himself that he did not need it anymore. So he avoided his friends more often, in favour of not accidentally dropping from the amount of love he felt in their presence. 

As a knock on the door and a sweet voice pulled him out of his thoughts, Renjun realized he probably should have talked to those aforementioned friends recently. 

“Injunnie, are you in there? Can you please open the door?” Jeno’s voice cut through. 

If you asked him later, Renjun would never admit that he released a whimper and his eyes teared up once again, hearing the other boy outside the bathroom door, “U-Uhm, just give me a second, Jeno. I’m okay.”

Forcing himself to think about the Great Depression of the 1930s and the impending destruction of the Earth caused by single-use plastics, he splashed his face with cool water (again), and walked to the door with (hopefully) all remnants of his small headspace firmly tucked away. 

A final breath, and the older boy unlocked the door. Jeno stepped inside, behind him Jaemin and Donghyuck following. 

Even with Renjun’s weak attempts at making his face look less like he had been crying, the boys could tell anyway. Hyuck rushed forwards and brought Renjun’s head firmly to his chest, while Jaemin hugged him gently from behind and Jeno held his hand. Renjun felt surrounded by love.

Maybe he felt like he was suffocating, or maybe it was that he could finally breathe again. 

Renjun’s tears welled up, and he let them run down his face, salty, “‘M sorry, I’m being stupid,”

“No, hyung, you’re not stupid. Is this about what happened in class? Or something else?” Jeno said softly. Of course Jeno could tell that something else was bothering him. 

“I-I’m so sorry for avoiding you recently. I’ve been sorting through some stuff and didn’t want to involve you all,” Renjun admitted, not entirely untruthful. Against what he truly wanted (to snuggle into Hyuck’s arms and never let go), Renjun shuffled out of his friends’ embrace and looked down. He needed to put some space between them so he didn’t get too comfortable and accidentally slip. 

Obviously, that did nothing. The boys were clearly confused about why Renjun was acting that way, he was pretty good with skinship and always told them what was bothering him. 

Jaemin frowned, “We will always be here for you. It’s okay if you need some time to yourself. But if we did something wrong, please tell us. We love you so much, baby.”

Renjun choked at the pet name. Jaemin was typically very open and bold with his affections, but in Renjun’s fragile state, it drove him over the edge. 

A sudden sob tore its way from Renjun’s throat, and he sat down on the cold floor of the bathroom. He cried into his hands, completely dropped, “M so sorry, Jaeminnie, and Hyuckie and Nono. Please don’t be mad at me,” 

Said boys looked at each other in confusion. Why had Renjun called them that? 

“Why are you sorry, baby?” Jaemin asked.

“don’t know.. ‘M bad,” the boy responded tearfully. 

The boys looked at each other worriedly. 

“Junnie, you’re not bad. What’s wrong?” Jeno asked carefully. 

“Jus’ wan’ go home. Please, I wan’ my blankie,” Renjun whimpered. He balled his hands into fists and rubbed his eyes vigorously. 

Donghyuck looked confused at his two other standing friends, who shrugged and gestured towards Renjun. Kneeling down carefully, he wrapped the older boy’s small body in his arms and stood up. Renjun sniffled and clung tightly to his friend’s shirt, “Shh, Injunnie. We’ll get you home, so please don’t cry, okay?”

Renjun choked out a small sound of affirmation, and slowly the tears dissipated. All that was left was a sense of total exhaustion that settled in the depths of his bones as his eyes finally closed to welcome the first real sleep he’s had in a while— surrounded by the safety of his best friends. 

-

Renjun finally awoke hours later, curled up in a familiar bed beneath many layers of blankets. He could hear whispers of conversation from beyond the closed door. He was in Jeno’s room. The sheets smelled of laundry detergent and peppermint. 

‘How did I get here?’ 

Renjun shot upwards when he realized what he had done earlier, and ended up unceremoniously falling into a pile of limbs on the hardwood, legs still tangled in sheets. Utter disbelief ran cold through his veins as hazy memories from only a few hours earlier flooded forward. He had dropped and entered little space in front of Jeno, Jaemin and Hyuck.

The previous heated conversation in the hallway quieted, and the door slowly opened to reveal Jaemin’s concerned eyes, “Hey. Are you feeling better?” 

“I’m fine. Sorry for bothering you guys,” Renjun mumbled, returning to a sitting position on the side of the warm bed. He realized that he felt surprisingly well-rested after countless sleepless nights in the recent weeks. 

“You’re not bothering us, Renjun. We’ll always be here to help you,” Jeno grinned and paused in thought, adding, “I think we should talk about what happened earlier.” 

Renjun sighed, he was hoping that he wouldn't have to have this talk so soon. Maybe it really was time to finally tell them… He just hoped that when he leaves Jeno’s house, he’ll still have his three best friends. 

Donghyuck shuffled over and sat cross-legged beside him on the bed, with Jaemin and Jeno following (after shutting the door). They settled into a comfortable circle on Jeno’s large bed and looked at Renjun patiently. The oldest boy could feel his heart pumping rapidly, and he played with his fingers as he composed himself. 

“U-uh, well, I guess I'll start at the beginning, before we even became friends,” Renjun looked up briefly, “You already know that I live with my mom, because my dad left the picture after their separation a couple years ago. Honestly, I didn’t tell you the whole story,” He sighed and started picking at the hem of his pants. 

“For most of my life, my parents would have arguments often. It started to become more than that though, about five years before they separated. My dad would drink a lot, then hit my mom. He apologized when he was sober, but would always do it again the next time he drank. In the last couple of years, he started to hurt me too. My mom didn’t know about it because he would only hit me when he knew she wouldn’t hear, and make sure any bruises were hidden,” Renjun’s voice cracked and Donghyuck grabbed his hand gently.

“One day, she caught him during a particularly bad beating. My mom had to take me to the hospital, and I never went back to that house again afterward,” Jeno’s eyes were filled with tears and Jaemin seemed furious so Renjun looked down and continued, “I was struggling a lot back then, and it hurt to see my mom so upset. One day, I heard about this way that some people relieve stress, and decided to try it. It’s commonly called a little space or age regression.”

“Basically, you allow yourself to revert back to the mindset of a child, without any responsibility or troubles. I can’t control it very well and can suddenly ‘drop’ when I get really stressed. That’s what happened in the bathroom yesterday. I’ve been trying to stop, it’s just been such a long time and I’m so sorry you had to see me like that. I understand if you choose to leave me after this,” Renjun felt the urge to cry, ashamed. 

“Junnie, we would never leave you. Especially not for having a helpful coping mechanism. I am so sorry that all of that happened to you,” Donghyuck spoke. Jaemin nodded in agreement. 

“..How long were you suppressing it before today, Renjun?” Jeno asked hesitantly. 

“It’s been a few months,” Renjun whispered. Jeno gasped, “Junnie, if this helps you, please don't do that to yourself. It’s not healthy.”

“I just want to be normal!” He replied, rubbing his eyes frustratedly. 

“You are normal, Renjun! You’re perfect!” Jaemin spoke, “You need to take better care of yourself. We could all tell how exhausted you’ve been lately and we were so worried… I don’t know much about it besides what you told us but regressing sounds really important for you, and that is completely valid.”

“T-thank you for being so kind to me,” Renjun sniffled. 

The boys smiled at him, and pulled him into a warm group hug. 

Jeno rubbed his back, “Let us know when you feel like you need to regress, or just want to talk. We’re here for you, and we aren't going anywhere, baby.”

Renjun felt that maybe he had found a new family, and this could be the start of something new.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment and let me know what you think! even the smallest thing really encourages me as a writer and helps me to grow!


End file.
